While this is a difficult thing for me to write I think I should get it off my chest. While I assure you that an internet diary vox is not, it has become my new place holder for ideas and as such works to my benefit in that way. So, I believe I am growing. I really do. And, I'm seeing things in a way that I believe to be lucid. I mean indefinetly clear and my current friends/ situations don't fit in to the mix. I find myself after coming back from a movie with the old crew tired. I'm tired because either their standards for conduct are impossible or mine are. You see, I feel alive. Very very alive. I also feel acute and concious. I'm frothing at the metaphorical mouth if you will and well they aren't. So I feel less electric when I'm around them. I mean, right now at this point in my life I feel as though I'm walking around in my skivvies and so everything hits me. Makes me think or feel or want to do something. Verb. But, I still feel detached as well and aware and although it hurts me to say this my friends don't. Its like they purposely keep their personal aliveness at bay. So I'm wondering what the alternative to aliveness is. I'm wondering if I just don't understand it. And i'm wondering where I fit in it. Where they fit.